Transform your business, your team, or your life by discovering and activating your Contribution DNA.
Let me ask you a question and I invite you to think deeply about the answer for a minute before you continue reading: In your heart, what is it that you – more than anything else – would like to be remembered for?”
”In order to carry a positive action we must develop here a positive vision” – The Dalai Lama
For some people, the answer is instantaneous and intuitive but for others, the answer might be less obvious and more challenging. It might be that you want to be remembered as a successful entrepreneur, a loving family member, an admired business leader, a successful writer, or something completely different. Whatever it might be, translating this aspiration into reality is not always easy. However, the question I would like to pose to you is; if success can be achieved with ease or; if it has to be gritty, a struggle, and hard work filled with sacrifices? It can absolutely be done with ease! We’ll get into ‘the how’ shortly but let’s start by decoding why achieving success is perceived to be so challenging.
It happens so that our relationship to perception actually sits at the core of the issue and more specifically, the way that we mistake perception for reality. Particularly in western cultures, we have embraced this unfortunate misconception that ‘perception is reality’. Even though the intentionality of the saying is good, it couldn’t be more incorrect, further from the truth, and outright unhelpful. Please write this down – [perception ≠ reality] perception is distinctly different from reality, period.
Our perception of reality is constantly tinted and filtered through the lens of our thoughts, beliefs, conclusions, values, and past experiences. Therefore, any experience is highly subjective to our interpretation of reality, rather than a direct experience of reality itself. Hence, our perception comes in the way of us seeing ourselves or others for who we/they truly are.
Now, this wouldn’t be so much of a challenge if it wasn’t for the biological and evolutionary wiring of our brain, or more specifically if it wasn’t for a very small, but highly impactful part of our brain – the Amygdala. The Amygdala is the oldest part of our brain (also referred to as the ‘Reptile Brain’) and is the part that controls our fight, flight or freeze response, helping us to stay safe and to stay alive. It teaches us, already at a young age, not take unnecessary risks and it ensures that we learn from bad experiences so that we don’t repeat them (for instance, putting your hand on a hotplate).
Even though the Amygdala is critical for our survival and safety, it was primarily designed to keep us safe back when we lived in caves, rather than to be an effective tool in today’s modern world. The Amygdala’s ‘operating system’ is highly outdated and in desperate need of an upgrade, much like software that hasn’t had any of its most critical updates for the last few hundred years. We live in a time, in a world and in an environment that is hugely different from that of our ancestors and we have evolved so rapidly that the oldest function of our brain basically hasn’t been able to keep up. So what, you might be thinking?!
The Negativity Bias
Well, in order to keep us safe, the Amygdala ensures that there is a disproportionate relationship between how we perceive, remember and relate to a positive versus a negative experience. We are hard-wired to be more sensitive to unpleasant experiences as they have more immediate implications for our safety and survival. Negative or unpleasant experiences are also immediately stored in our long-term memory whilst positive once are not.
This is all great news in terms of survival, but the less good news is that the amygdala can’t distinguish between what is a real threat to our survival or safety versus what might just be an unpleasant experience. This is why we sometimes find ourselves dwelling on a negative comment someone might have made of us ten years ago, or why we during a performance discussion only remember the ‘areas for improvement’ and not remembering the ten great things we’re doing right!
Recent research indicates that due to this disproportionate relationship, it actually takes five positive experiences to offset one negative – It’s known as the ‘Negativity Bias’. Hence, it’s not you, it’s biology – it’s simply the inner working of our mind!
So, the implication of the Negativity Bias is that we spend a lot of time doubting and second-guessing ourselves. Our self-talk is often a reflection of this dynamic as our ‘inner judge’ spends a lot of time commenting on past actions and worrying about the future. Now, this is not some cosmic conspiracy playing out, it’s just our brain trying to protect us from any potential and future ‘dangerous’ (negative) experiences. This inner conversation, or ‘Monkey Mind’ as it’s referred to in Buddhism, is the internal and constant mind chatter – it never stops and we all have it! (I bet your monkey mind is currently busy telling you that you don’t suffer from this….:)
Trouble at the Border
To make it even more challenging, the ‘Monkey Mind’ actually intensifies as we’re about to do something important – like give an important presentation, hold a speech, perform a concert, run a race, etc. We’re putting ourselves out there and the ‘Monkey Mind’ interprets this exposure as a threat as we become vulnerable to a potentially unpleasant experience. In an attempt to protect us, it swiftly initiates a process of outlining all the things that could go wrong and/or paints a vivid picture of the worst-case scenario, all with the best intention to keep us safe. Have you ever had a similar experience?
We call this ‘trouble at the border’ – we’re simply at the border between our dreams/goals and physical reality. It is at this exact point we often talk ourselves out of our dreams! We tell ourselves that it’s not the right time, that we don’t have the money or the resources, we distract ourselves, we procrastinate, and the list goes on. Now, I’m sure you yourself have never experienced any of this, but you might be able to think of someone that has:)
Incoherence
What tends to be the result of such an action or non-action? Well, often we create unnecessary frustration through not living our potential – for not living a life that is aligned with our purpose, dreams, and goals. Thus, we risk living life in incoherence and if this incoherence is ignored, it can over time lead to resentment or even resignation. A fascinating paradox is that often when the ‘Monkey Mind’ is extra loud, it’s actually a signpost that we’re up to something important rather than being a sign of real danger. As I described earlier, we are simply experiencing ‘trouble at the border’ and the key is to have enough awareness to see the difference (1) and enough resilience (2) to go ‘beyond the border’. Another paradox is that when we start to access and live our purpose (contribution) with more consistency and awareness, the Monkey Mind actually becomes quieter. So, now what?
Going ‘beyond the border’
Our inner conversation is never going to go away BUT the good news is that we can ‘reprogram’ our interpretation of what it actually means and redirect our focus towards actioning upon our contribution and purpose rather than listening to the conversations of our monkey mind. This is an exciting, highly rewarding and transformative experience.
“I always sensed a strong disconnect between how I was living my life and how I wanted to live it. I just did not know how to address the situation. Where do you even begin? Carl not only helped me clarify my why – my purpose – but has also helped me identify the actions I can take towards a life on my terms….” – A former coaching client
The core of all of this is that people are here to make a contribution, to make a difference that is sustainable. This contribution is distinctly different and unique for every individual and that’s why we call it the ‘Contribution DNA’. By clarifying our own ‘Contribution DNA’ and as we start to take coherent, small, sweet steps towards activating our contribution, we have begun a journey towards achieving success with more ease, joy, and focus – whatever success means to you!
